75+ funny quotes by famous people

In this post, I have collected top funny quotes by famous people, comedians, great authors, politicians and celebrities which will surely put a smile on your face.

Life is too short.  So why should we always be serious?  We should enjoy our life every moment of every day. Sometimes we should watch funny movies, sometimes we should read funny jokes and quotes. Being funny will brighten up your day and will make you happy. Anyhow, we should enjoy our lives.

Perhaps this is why great people of our universe have shared these quotes and sayings with us. Those people kept doing their work and joking around a lot. Okay, let’s jump to our humorous funny quotes by great people and celebrities.

Funny quotes by great people:

A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know.
– Laurence J. Peter

Laurence J. Peter funny quotes

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
– Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein funny quotes

Creativity is contagious, pass it on.
– Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein funny quotes

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
– Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein funny quotes

As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!
– Coco Chanel

Coco Chanel funny quotes

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
– Oliver Goldsmith

Oliver Goldsmith funny quotes

By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
– Charles Wadsworth

Charles Wadsworth funny quotes

I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money.
– Pablo Picasso

Pablo Picasa funny quotes

Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.
– Benjamin Franklin

Benjamin Franklin funny quotes

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
– Yogi Berra

Yogi Berra funny quotes

He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.
– Charles de Gaulle


If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
– Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln funny quotes

In Africa, the only warning they take is seriously low battery.
– Robert Mugabe


The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
– Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney funny quotes

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.
– Gore Vidal



Funny quotes by celebrities:

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh’.
– Conan O’Brien

Conan O'Brien funny quotes

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
– Lana Turner


As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
– Dick Cavett

Dick Cavett funny quotes

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
– David Letterman


Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of people’s vacations was considered a punishment.
– Betty White

Berry white facebook funny quotes

Food is like sex. When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.
– Beth McCollister


Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.
– Salvador Dali

Salvador Dali funny quotes

I don’t do drugs. I am on drugs.
– Salvador Dali


I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life.
– Karan Patel


I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
– Drake

Drake funny quotes

If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.
– Billy Wilder


Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
– Bill Murray

Bill Murray funny quotes

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.
– Bill Murray

Bill Murray funny quotes

Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.
– Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson funny quotes

Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
– John Wayne


My favourite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
– Caroline Rhea


Never miss a good chance to shut up.
– Will Rogers


The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.
– Lucille Bell


Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.
– Will Smith


When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
– Gracie Allen


When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
– Cathy Guisewite

Cathy Guisewite funny quotes

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
– Robin Williams


You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
– Bill Watterson

Bill Watterson funny quotes


Funny quotes by famous authors:

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.
– Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde funny quotes

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.
– G.K. Chesterton


Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
– Mark Twain

Mark Twain funny quotes

When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.
– Mark Twain


High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.
– Christopher Morley

Christopher Morley funny quotes

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
– Charles Lamb


I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re sceptical.
– Arthur C. Clarke

Arthur C. Clarke funny quotes

If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.
– Doug Larson


Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.
– Doug Larson

Doug Larson funny quotes

If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?
– Cynthia Heimel


If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
– Earl Wilson

Earl Wilson funny quotes

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
– Dave Barry


Leave something for someone but don’t leave someone for something.
– Enid Blyton

Enid Blyton funny quotes

Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
– Carl Sandburg


Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
– François de La Rochefoucauld

funny quotes

Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of large research staff to study the problem.
– Bill Vaughan


People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
– A.A. Milne

A.A. Milne funny quotes

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
– Franklin P. Jones


You’re only as good as your last haircut.
– Fran Lebowitz

Fran Lebowitz funny quotes


Comedian funny quotes:

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
– Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx funny quotes

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
– Groucho Marx


Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men. The other 999 follow women.
– Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx funny quotes

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
– Groucho Marx


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
– Emo Philips

Emo Philips funny quotes

A day without laughter is a day wasted.
– Charlie Chaplin


A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
– Steven Wright

Steven Wright funny quotes

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top of it.
– Jerry Seinfeld


Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
– George Carlin

George Carlin funny quotes

Electricity is really just organized lightning.
– George Carlin


I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
– George Carlin


The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
– George Carlin

George Carlin funny quotes

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
– Rodney Dangerfield


I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.
– Peter Cook

Peter Cook funny quotes

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
– Mitch Hedberg


I like Kit-Kat unless I’m with four or more people.
– Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg kit-kat funny quotes

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower.
– Mitch Hedberg


I’m not for everyone. It’s barely for me.
– Marc Maron

barely for me funny quote by Marc Maron

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
– Jackie Mason


My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.
– Ellen DeGeneres


Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
– Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck doctor funny quote


Annonymous funny quotes:

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a ‘CELL’ phone.

funny quotes

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

life is short funny quotes

My brain has too many tabs open.


When nothing goes right, go left.

funny quotes

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.


You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death.

funny quote


Thanks for reading. I hope you like these inspirational and funny quotes by great people of the world. You can share these funny quotes to your friends, family and beloved ones.

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